Can Holding in Farts Kill You?

Medical rendering of an ass in the act of "farting"
A question ass old as time... Can holding a fart in lead to your untimely death? We've all been there! We've all been at the dentist laying in that chair with some lady sticking forks in your mouth and had to release some gas out of our ass. But you don't want to be rude and have an incredibly awkward situation so you try your best to clench the cheeks together so the power of the fart actually works against itself and the air pressure throws it back up into your rectum and lower intestines. To sum it up, it feels WRONG. This is not what nature or god had in mind when it created your digestive tract.

Then again what is the alternative? Farting full force? Letting some sneak out to alleviate the situation and hope she doesn't notice? Of course she's going to notice! You had two bowls of shredded mini-wheats for breakfast! So eventually nature takes hole and you fart relentlessly while she's pricking away at your gums and for a second you think maybe I'm okay. Maybe it's not so bad and she doesn't smell it at all. Then even with her little mask on she stops her activities in your mouth. Blinks rapidly three times. Moves her head back and tilts it to the side. She screams "JESUS MOTHERLOVING CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" And you sit there with your head back, blushing like you just got caught masturbating at church, waiting awkwardly for the putrid aroma to dissipate in the hopes that maybe this woman will not vomit into your face and you can proceed as if nothing had ever happened. Does holding in a fart kill you? Yes. Yes it does.

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