2012 Presidential Election Coming To A Head

If there's anything Democrats, Republicans, Independents, and confused undecided people who still haven't figured out which of the two dudes fits their views best despite plenty of information being out there for years now can agree on it's that a lot of this election shit is really stupid. Here are just some of the dumbass news headlines out there right now:

Clinton joins Obama for rally ending whirlwind day 

Whirlwind day?! Didn't the President just come back from touring hurricane ravaged New Jersey? Hasn't Hurricane Sandy been the biggest news story for a week now? "Whirlwind" is not the best word to be whipping around like roof shingles at the moment.

Romney asks Colorado for 'one last push' 

Well I guess if this President thing doesn't work out for Romney he's got a potential career as a midwife. One last push? You're trying to be the next leader of the free world, not pulling a baby headfirst out of a dilated vagina.

Officials: Sandy-stricken areas will vote 'come hell or high water'

Maybe I don't understand that phrase, but isn't that usually used BEFORE hell and high water have actually shown up? In the words of famous philosopher Larry the Cable Guy, that is like checking on your burgers after their burnt.

Team Obama touts hyper-local ground game

Hyper-local ground game? What the fuck does that even mean? They basically tried to make the idea of campaigning in towns sound like a super fun lasertag battle by using the word "hyper" and then threw in some football with "ground game". This is like me touting my testicles as "hyper baby bomb pods" when really we all know they're just two popcorn Jelly Belly looking things in a translucent pouch of dead albino skin.

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