Ask McFartnuggets: "How Can I Keep My Cat From Getting Feline AIDS?"

Unless you want your cat
looking like this, ya better
keep it away from that AIDS.
Dear McFartnuggets 
I just got a cat and I'm worried about this thing the Feline AIDS. I got Shelby (my cat) tested and it was the most nervewracking couple of days waiting for those test results to come back. Fortunately she doesn't have it, hut what can I do to make sure she doesn't get it ever? Should I be putting a condom in my cat before it goes outside? Do they make condoms for female cats? Or can I put a male cat condom in her vagina and will the cat she meets know what to do with it? I can't very well be following my cat around everywhere, but I don't want to just hope I've taught it well enough and let it out on its own. You know how cats are. I don't want to let it go free, but I want it to be able to live its life too. What do you suggest? -- Brevin from Providence, Rhode Island

Dear Brevin:
You're right, you can't follow your cat around stalking it like it stalks a bird. You have to just let the cat learn its lessons by itself. Pussies are a stubborn bunch and they tend to do whatever they want. You just have to make sure you educate it about the dangers of STDs and other feline illnesses. They need to know it's a serious thing and not just some kind of empty threat you're using to scare them away from the real world. One more thing you should know is that Feline AIDS isn't only transmitted sexually. It can be contracted through bites and scratches and sharing needles just like human AIDS. The first step is educating yourself. You have to have the knowledge before your cat does. Hope this helped.

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