Ask McFartnuggets: “Why is Everyone Obsessed with Applewood These Days?”

Applewood is packed
with fiber.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
What is the deal with Applewood? I’m seeing commercials featuring this stuff everywhere. There’s the Subway Applewood pulled pork sandwich and I just saw a McDonald’s commercial about Applewood smoked bacon. What the hell IS Applewood? Why is it so great? Where did it come from? What does it want? And when will it leave? -- Stevie from Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Dear Stevie:
If you haven’t noticed, fast food places usually advertise a strange new item around once a year. Last year it was pretzel buns and the year before it was avocado. In reality it’s nothing special, but they want to sell something with a name people can make into a hashtag on Twitter. Saying “Applewood smoked” sound fancy. It makes the bacon sound like it’s going to taste sweet like apples or something. If it was called Wormwood they probably wouldn’t be mentioning it as much. Since apples are a food they figure saying “Applewood” will make hungry Americans even more likely to buy the items. Maybe people will even think it’s healthy for them. You know that old saying “An applewood pulled pork sandwich a day keeps the doctor away.” Also, the more food words you put in the name of a single item, the more likely people are to think they’re getting a special bargain. Applewood pulled pork sounds like you’re getting two foods in one, like “Pretzel bun.” I just wonder how long it’ll be before they start selling Applewood pulled pork with Applewood smoked bacon with fresh avocado on a pretzel bun. It’s just a pork sandwich, but it sounds like you’re getting ten meals in one, which is important in this economy.

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