Ask McFartnuggets: “How Many Cats Does it Take to Make You a Crazy Cat Lady?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I’m a lazy who loves me some cats. Many people have accused me of being a “Crazy cat lady” and I like to jokingly refer to myself as one, but recently my family held an intervention for me. They told me my cat addiction has gotten out of control and it’s damaging my life. I only have around thirteen cats at the moment give or take five neighborhood cats that come to have sleepovers every now and then. How many cats do you think it takes to make you a crazy cat lady? Is there a specific number that could tell me where to draw the line? I’m trying to be proactive here. I realize I have to change I just need to know what the ideal number of cats is. What is the limit per se? -- Maribel from New Orleans, Louisiana

Dear Maribel:
It’s not so much the number of cats, but how dettached you are from reality and how much you smell like cat piss. Now judging by how you stated your question I can tell you’re not fully insane. Unfortunately, or fortunately I’m not in a position to smell if you reek of feline urine. Personally, I think the number of cats a person should have is the same as the number of children they should have: two is the maximum. Anymore than that and you start to open up pandora’s box. With humans, you create a middle child and a lot of havoc and chaos can ensue. With cats, you’ve got three different animals shitting in the same litter box. Either that or you have more than one litter box which has to be a huge pain in the ass to clean out, not to mention all the space it takes up. People who have thirteen kids are usually disparaged by society and the same goes for cats. Treat the cats like kids. You would never just let a bunch of stranger kids from the neighborhood sleep in your house and crap on your floor so why allow cats to do that? Think about it.

That's probably enough right there.

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