Ask McFartnuggets: “Who Controls The Puppet People on the DirecTV Commercials?”

I hope it's not this guy.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
You know those DirecTV commercials with the marionette wife and her son who is also a puppet? They have puppet strings leading to the ceiling, but we never see the top of those strings. I’m wondering who controls them. Who pulls the strings on those puppet people? Are they technically even alive? -- Danielle from Moorhead, Minnesota

Dear Danielle:
That’s a good question. That’s a question I think the puppet wife’s husband should have asked a long time ago. Where exactly do those strings lead? Surely the marionette woman can’t be in control of her own strings that would be ridiculous. There is the distinct possibility that the dude married an inanimate life sized puppet being manipulated by someone on his roof who makes her move and does the voice too. That’s pretty disturbing. However, that would take an awful lot of work and I’m pretty sure the puppet lady goes outside so that would lead me to believe that God is the one pulling her puppet strings. That of course is awful news for her and her son because that would mean they have no free will which means I don’t think they can get into Heaven when they die. The whole premise of these commercials is pretty tragic when you think about it.

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