Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Get Blood Stains Out of My Carpet Fast?”

Time to rent a Rug Doctor!
Dear McFartnuggets: 
This is an urgent question. How can I get blood stains out of my carpet FAST?!!! I’m trying soap with hot water and scrubbing and nothing’s working! Also, what’s the fastest best way to get rid of a human skeleton? -- Lamar from Chicago

Dear Lamar:
Okay your first mistake was using hot water. Hot water basically solidifies the blood proteins into the fabric of the carpet making the stain even worse. ROOKIE MISTAKE! I like to use club soda to loosen the stain up then I finish it off with stain remover like Shout. Just because a scream accompanied the stain doesn’t mean Shout can’t get it out! If it was a hooker I would recommend using an ammonia or chlorine solution to kill the STD viruses in the blood. There’s nothing worse than a prostitute having a nosebleed on your carpet. And why do you need to know how to get rid of a skeleton? That’s just weird, dude. I’m not going to help you with that. You’re gonna get caught, bro. Just own up to it.

Write your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

No comments :

Post a Comment