The Top 5 Reasons Cats Aren’t As Smart As They Think They Are

They think they're so
damn smart.
Everyone knows cats are intelligent creatures and that includes cats themselves. When you look at a cat you can tell they think highly of themselves. They just walk around flashing their butthole randomly and peeing wherever they want. If you’re a cat you probably think you’re real hot shit, but hold on there a second, Fluffyboops. There are a few reasons you might not be as ingenious as you think. Here are the top 5 reasons cats aren’t as smart as they think they are:

5. Cat toys
A good measure of someone’s intelligence is what it takes to keep them entertained. For cats usually it’s a feather on a stick. Even mentally challenged people get bored of that stuff after awhile, but not cats.

This is the only String Theory cats are interested in.

4. Hairballs
Cats are one of the only animals that licks its entire body to get clean which would be a decent idea if they weren’t covered from head to paw in fur. Naturally they end up getting their throats clogged with their own fur and have to barf it up in the form of a hairball. A truly enlightened being would probably know to spit the loose hairs out.


3. Laser pointers
How long does it take an intelligent being to realize that a laser light is not an actual thing that you can grab or touch? For cats, the answer is apparently never. People always talk about how cats are smarter than dogs, most dogs could give two shits about a laser pointer.

Never host a rave at your house if you have cats.

2. Litter boxes
Most cats shit in a box. Enough said. I don’t care how smart you think you are, if you’re shitting in sand everyday something went wrong. And even cats who can use toilets still have to explain the number one reason on this list...

How the hell did the top get dirty?

1. Rodents
Cats love chasing and eating rodents whether it be mice or rats or squirrels. The problem here of course is that rodents are among the most diseased animals on the face of the planet. Say what you want about Angus the kid who was born with half a skull and lives in his family’s attic, he doesn’t eat rats. There are dozens of illnesses you can contract from eating rodents, some examples are parasitic worms, plague, toxoplasmosis, and even secondary poisoning from rat poison. Choosing to eat these things is just plain stupid especially when as a cat you should know Meow Mix and Fancy Feast are readily available.

Yeah that looks like a healthy choice.

Honorable mention: Running water
What is the deal with cats only drinking water from a faucet? In what natural scenario does a cat just happen upon a waterfall or a running tap? Surely adapting to enjoy any clean water particularly water in a bowl would be intuitive to survival. Plus, drinking from a running faucet is just inefficient. You lick a few drops while liters of water just pour down into the drain. How long do they expect the water to keep running? That’s just poor resource management. Thank god cats don’t run society, Earth be out of fresh water in five minutes.

Cats think they're too good for this.

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