Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Aren’t There Any Thanksgiving Songs?”

People are too busy in
a turkey & whiskey coma
to be writing songs.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Hey how come there aren’t any Thanksgiving songs? I’m hosting Thanksgiving at my house this year and I wanted to play some damn Thanksgiving songs to help build the ambiance and I can’t find a single song about turkeys, foliage, or none of that shit! What the hell is up with that? Katy Perry can write a song about cupcakes on her tits but she can’t write a song about pilgrims and Native Americans getting together to eat succotash?! Even Halloween has “The Monster Mash” for god sake! Where the hell are all the damn Thanksgiving songs?! And don’t tell me “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.” That was just a theme and there were no lyrics so get that weak shit outta here! There are all types of songs about figurative “stuffing” why can’t there be a single one about Stove Top?! -- Monica from Bangor, Maine

Dear Monica:
Okay… You’re right there aren’t many songs explicitly about Thanksgiving. I think you can attribute that to the idea that Native Americans and Pilgrims weren’t very musical people. Maybe if they sang more there would have been more songs written about it at the time which would have been passed down like you see with Christmas. Unfortunately in the next couple hundred years everyone was too busy with the extermination of Native Americans so singing wasn’t really top on the menu. As for why more songs aren’t written about Thanksgiving these days, it’s mainly a holiday about food and you just don’t see too many songs about food. Thanksgiving isn’t really a holiday that needs music. The real music is the sound of your drunk relatives screaming about Obamacare and the “Mexican invasion.”

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