Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can You Tell You Have An Ass Infection?”

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Dear McFartnuggets: 
Usually when I get an infection I can tell it’s infected because it stinks, but with my ass how am I supposed to tell the difference? It’s an ASS! It’s supposed to stink! It’s like trying to tell when fish goes bad. How the hell am I supposed to know when I have an anal infection? -- Jill from Monterrey, New Mexico

Dear Jill:
There are actually a handful of ways to tell if you have an anal infection. For one, yes your ass probably stinks all the time, but when it’s infected you’ll be sniffing for a Fishy Anal Discharge. Now I know that sounds like a heavy metal band, but if you’re smelling anything besides fecal remnants and it’s not just a passing FAD, you should see your doctor. Discharge is also a clear sign you have an infection, especially if it’s colored. Just remember that when you see your doctor you shouldn’t just bend over and flash your anus at her. They really don’t like that apparently.

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