The Top 5 Cutest Baby Animals You Shouldn’t Keep As Pets

This guy took a tiger cub
as a pet a few years ago
and now he's screwed.

One of the key features people look for in a pet is how cute it is. Focusing entirely on cuteness can lead to some dangerous situations. The problem is you can take in a baby animal and its cute baby form is much different than its adult form which only takes a few years. Here are the top 5 cutest baby animals you shouldn’t keep as pets:

5. Panda

Baby pandas are actually not the cutest baby animals out there. They usually look all weird, half formed, and pink, but because they’re pandas people drool all over them. The issue here is having a panda as a pet is highly illegal and full grown adults can reach weights of around 300 lbs. They don’t move around too much, but you better have a lot of bamboo handy.

Having a pet panda seems great until you realize the cost of importing 20-40 lbs of fresh bamboo every goddamn day.

4. Gorilla

Everyone wants a little gorilla around the house eating bananas and letting you scratch its belly. The problem with having a gorilla as a pet is when they grow up in around 10 years they can become very hostile. Unless you get your gorilla spayed or neutered there’s a good chance it might attempt to violate you at one time or another. Good luck finding a vet who will do this for you.

Gorillas are too similar to humans to keep as pets. It's kind of like keeping your mentally challenged cousin Albert as a pet.

3. Bear

Obviously baby bears are some of the cutest versions of animals there are. Their cuteness is surpassed only by their lethality in adult form. One of the hidden dilemmas to having a bear as a pet is they tend to shit A LOT. You’ll need a hefty bag to scoop up their scat on your daily walks and that will probably garner a lot of negative attention from neighbors and police.

They're terrifying even when they're smiling.

2. Crocodile

Crocodiles are a fairly popular pet for some reason. A baby croc can be pretty cute, but when they develop adult jaw strength it’s basically like having a monster in your house. You can’t even really cuddle with a crocodile so it’s not really worth it to have one as a pet. Even if you do manage to cuddle it would probably clamp down on your head and put you in a death roll.

Don't be fooled by this photo, crocodiles are much less charming in person.

And the number one cutest baby animal you shouldn’t keep as a pet is…

1. Elephant

Everyone loves baby elephants. You can ride them around like little horses and they’re a lot of fun. Unfortunately, most homes and apartments are not equipped to handle a full grown elephant. When friends come over to visit it will literally become the elephant in the room. Except in this case someone will mention it directly usually by saying “Holy shit is that a fucking elephant?!” and then they usually call the cops and the elephant is taken from you which can be a very traumatic experience for both of you.

Elephants need to be around a lot of other elephants and have a lot of room to move. I mean look at this guy he just keeps walking. I've been watching for the past three hours. I don't think he's ever going to stop!