Ask McFartnuggets: “Why is the Average Pop Song Only 3 Minutes Long?

No, I said POP music.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Why are nearly all pop songs three minutes long? My grandpa told me it goes back to the days of records when they could only fit that much music on each side. Is that true? I wanted to double check because he’s been getting very senile these days. Just the other day I saw him in the backyard mumbling racial slurs to our apple tree. -- Chloe from Lucas, Ohio

Dear Chloe:
Yeeaaaah your grandpa probably has Alzheimer’s. He might have a point with the record theory but I think we all know the real reason pop songs are three minutes long is if they were any longer, you’d kill yourself. Three minutes minutes must be the limit before the human brain starts formulating rash, illogical escape plans to silence the music one way or another. Music producers probably discovered this awhile back and realized they could only subject people to pop music for three minutes or less. Even if they wanted to make the songs longer than three minutes, pop lyrics usually run out around the ten second mark. More than three minutes is just too much repetition of the same chorus over and over. Put simply, if pop songs were any longer than they are you’d see a lot more public violence and self harm at grocery stores and other places that play current top hits.

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