Being in a street fight is a very scary thing because it’s just you against another human in mortal combat. The nice thing about that is it means there are no rules. You can do whatever you need to in order to win and that includes a lot of strange tactics you may have never thought of before. Here are five helpful tricks you can try if you feel like you need an extra edge:
1. Screech like a banshee
Screeching really loudly might seem like a “girly” thing to do, but that’s why you have to really screech LOUD, much louder than a girl would. Doing this can often overwhelm your opponent’s senses and disorient them allowing you an easier attack.
|Just LOOKING like a banshee is a good start.|
2. Giggle like a school girl
Again, another girly thing to do, except a girl wouldn’t giggle during a fight. Very few people giggle during fights. The only people who do are mentally disturbed and that’s the point. You want to put a bit of fear into your opponent by showing them you’re not a regular person and you may be capable of anything.
|Schoolgirl outfits were not always seen as provocative.|
If you’re a good singer then singing during a fight can be very helpful. It will help ease your nerves as well as confuse your opponent. Also, if there’s a crowd around you they’ll usually take your side and if things are going poorly during the fight they’ll try to stop you from having your head stomped in because you’re a talented singer and the world needs artists.
|Just because your vocal cords look kind of like a vagina doesn't mean singing makes you a pussy.|
4. Poop your pants
Pooping your pants during a fight is another great way of psyching out the opponent. When they smell that shit it might give them a little confidence thinking that you’re afraid of them. But if you don’t appear frightened and actually appear to be enjoying the fact that you just defecated in your pants and you did it on purpose, that is a powerful message.
|Helps to have one of these bad boys strapped under your balls.|
5. Wipe the poop all over yourself
If pooping your pants wasn’t enough to freak out the other fighter, reach into your pants and grab a heapin’ helpin’ of your own dung and smear it on your face. This is a great strategy because not only does it freak people out, but now you know your opponent will not punch you in the face because they don’t want to get feces on their hands. This lets you know to expect only kicks and once you have that knowledge it’s basically like fighting someone with their hands tied behind their back.
|No one wants to fight a psychopath with nothing to lose.|
If you ever find yourself in a fight you don’t think you can win straight up, it never hurts to try these tactics. What is there to lose? Dignity? Your pants? Well, you lose dignity by getting your ass kicked anyway and I’m sure most people would trade their pants for an upperhand in combat.