3.17.2014

The Top 5 Artificial Flavors That Don’t Make Any Sense

Most food these days is artificially flavored which means there are a lot of unnatural flavors oozing around out there in the world. These flavors were not created by the gods, they were created by mortals in laboratories and yet we consume them without much thought. Here are the top 5 nonsensical artificial flavors:


5. Pink Lemonade
Pink lemonade was actually created by accident when someone knocked pink shit into lemonade and it happened to sell like hotcakes. What people don’t realize is that pink liquid is rarely safe to drink in nature. In fact, pink liquid really doesn’t even exist in nature. There’s no reason to be attracted to pink fluids and it really doesn’t taste any different than normal lemonade.

The first known image of pink lemonade.


4. Blue Raspberry
Raspberries are supposed to be purpley, dark red, blackish fruits. They’re definitely not supposed to be bright blue. Why is blue raspberry okay to eat? Would people eat blue apples or purple bananas? You can’t just change the natural colors of fruits and expect people not to ask questions.

There are lots of raspberries out there in nature. None of them are blue!


3. Bubble Gum
Bubble gum flavor is a pretty weird flavor because it’s basically sweet rubber. Original flavor bubble gum is just sugary gum and the gum itself doesn’t actually have a flavor to it. Why would anyone want to eat something that tasted like sugary rubber? Bubble gum is supposed to have flavors so to accept the original plain flavor is kind of like drinking a water flavored Capri Sun. I know, it sounds really dumb when you think of it like that!

"Bubble gum" flavor.


2. Grape
You know your childhood is over when you ask yourself “How come grape flavored candy doesn’t actually taste like real grapes?” Once you hit that level of introspection and awareness you’re officially an adult. Kids will just eat “grape” flavored crap willy nilly completely ignoring the fact that they taste nothing like actual grapes. I think the reason they made artificial grape flavor was because natural grapes don’t really have much of a flavor. They’re technically just sugar water testicles. They’re like nature’s bubble gum.

We're so used to fake grape flavor that real grape flavor would be weird to taste in candy.


1. Cotton Candy
Cotton candy doesn’t really have a flavor it’s just spun sugar fibers. Anything that’s “Cotton candy flavor” should basically just be called “Dense sugar flavor.”

Cotton candy tastes NOTHING like real cotton.

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