Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Rude To Eat A Raw Onion In Public?”

Look at that orgy of onions!
Dear McFartnuggets: I just got a new job recently and no one there knew that I love eating onions. On my first day at lunch I walked into the break room where five other coworkers were enjoying their meals. I took my brown paper bag out of the fridge and pulled out a big juicy red onion and started chomping away. Everyone started staring at me and then they all left. Is it rude to eat a raw onion or something? Was I wrong? -- Ursula from Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio

Dear Ursula:
I don’t think you’re wrong necessarily, but you have to take into account the effect your food has on others. There are certain foods that bother other people like raw fish, dog meat, limburger cheese, and yes, raw onions. I think the main problem they have is the odors that are coming off the onion. You’re probably so used to the fumes and vapors of a raw onion to notice, but they can be very stinging to the eyes and irritating to mucous membranes. This doesn’t mean you have to stop eating onions at work though. I would recommend purchasing a transparent parka or maybe a hazmat suit that you can wear during lunch. Then you can enjoy your onion while still facilitating friendly conversation with your new coworkers. Or you could eat your onions in the stairwell like some kind of weird onion troll. I don’t really recommend that, as it would further alienate you from your peers. Whatever you decide I wish you all the best!

Email your problems to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and I’ll try to help you.

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