Ask McFartnuggets: “What Shampoo Do You Use On Your Pubes?”

Only the finest condensed milks
for my crotch!
Dear McFartnuggets: I was just wondering, what kind of shampoo do you use on your pubes? Any good suggestions? -- Beth from Arizona

Dear Beth:
You’re probably expecting me to say I use horse shampoo down there, but no I don’t. Horse hair is thin and straight, basically the opposite of pubes so that’s no good. You might also think I use Herbal Essences, but have you seen how that makes you react when wash your scalp with it? Washing your balls with it would probably make you pass out in the shower and smash your head against the bath faucet. Then you’re laying there with the water coming down and your foot blocking the drain. In about an hour you’re drowning to death. No thanks.

I like to use fancy French shampoos anything expensive that women generally use on their heads like a Pantene Pro-V or Garnier Fructis. I don’t use it on my head, it’s exclusively for my crotch to give my pubes unrivaled shine and bounce. Occasionally I’ll use Head and Shoulders to keep my ball dandruff to a minimum. So you see, there’s no real one answer. Your pubes are like a pet, you should constantly be treating them to different treats to keep them happy and enjoying life. Cheers, Beth!

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