The Top 5 Worst Places To Get Sunburn

Shoulda used some Banana Boat on
that shit! Too late now!
With Summer around the corner again it's important to remember the dangers of sunburns. Like drinking profusely, people usually forget the last time they had a bad sunburn so they don't take it seriously until it happens again. I've made this list to remind you of how painful sunburns can be and which areas you should be extra careful to protect when you're out on the beach. Here are the top 5 worst places on your body to get sunburned:

5. Neck
The neck is one of the most common areas for sunburn, but it's also one of the worst. What makes a sunburned neck bad is that you can hardly move your head without inadvertently stretching the burned skin.

Your chin is basically a built-in parasol specifically there to prevent sunburning your neck.

4. Vagina
I've never personally had a sunburned vagina, but my aunt had one a few summers ago and by the way she was complaining every day I assume it was nothing short of horrible.

No one likes chapped, sun damaged lips.

3. Nutsack
If you've ever had a sunburned nutsack then you know how painful it is. You can hardly walk without scraping the affected area. Every step you take makes your thighs feel like pillars of broken glass tearing your balls apart. Also sperm don't have sunglasses so it's probably harming your fertility.

Don't fry your eggs.

Eyeballs are the second worst thing to get sunburned because of the sheer pain. Then as a double whammy it hurts even more when you try to protect them with sunscreen. Once you have sunburned eyes you are most likely blind and in a tremendous amount of pain. Applying a soothing lotion or salve will only exacerbate the pain.

Don't tan your eyeballs unless you wanna be like Captain Winksalot over here.

And the number one worst place to get sunburn on your body is...

1. Taint
Let's just start off with the fact that tanning your taint in public is generally illegal. Not only will a taint sunburn usually land you in probation, but it will also burn like all hell. It's like sunburning your nutsack and vagina at the same time. Only a hermaphrodite can understand the kind of pain I'm talking about here. Every step you take, every seat you take, the pain will be there unrelenting and you can't apply the soothing creme in public whenever you want either. You are required by law to find a private area which can get pretty annoying when you're experiencing such severe raw pain. Do yourself a favor don't even bother tanning your taint, but if you must, slather that bastard in the highest SPF you can find.

The taint is perhaps the one part of the human body that should never see pure sunlight.

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