|"Sorry I was late, I was|
walking my three-toed sloth."
When you show up late to work you always need an excuse. The boss acts like they don’t want to hear it, but it’s better than giving no excuse at all. That being said, there are certain excuses that you’re better off keeping to yourself. If these are the reasons you were late you should have a better lie ready to replace it:
5. “I ran here instead of driving to help save the environment.”
There are many benefits to running to work instead of driving. Most of all, it helps reduce your carbon footprint and it’s great exercise. Unfortunately it’s not going to help you get to work on time and sadly most companies don’t care enough about the environment to respect this excuse.
4. “I was going to be on time until I realized I wasn’t wearing underpants and had to turn back.”
This has happened to everyone at one time or another. Everyone knows what it’s like to walk out the door and sense something strange is going on. You have to go back and put underpants on. You don’t want to risk your fly coming down at work while you’re going commando. That’s way worse than being late. That’s potentially a crime. Still, most bosses don’t want to hear about your undie situation.
3. “I spent too much time trying to poop before I left the house. I think I’m constipated.”
This is one of the most common real truthful excuses for being late, but it’s one of the least actually spoken and used. That’s for a reason. It’s embarrassing to admit that after all these years on Earth you still can’t always have full control over your bowel situation.
2. “I was getting drunk and lost track of time.”
Usually if you show up to work late and drunk you don’t need to say a word. Everything you need to say is in the Jack Daniels and partially digested Denny’s Grand Slam you just vomited up on the floor of your boss’ office.
1. “I was masturbating.”
This is one of the most realistic and truthful excuses out there, but it’s another example of being too honest. Plus, you can always masturbate on the way to work during your commute. There’s really no reason for it to cause you to be late. That makes this the worst excuse to be late at work.