Dumbass Sayings: “Best If Used By”

Expired lettuce makes a
damn fine toilet paper.
Ever wonder why on food packaging they say “Best if used by 11/04/16”? If it’s bread or chips why wouldn’t they just say “Eat before 6/21/18”? That’d make more sense and it would save them some ink on one less letter. Is it that they don’t want to offend anyone by presuming to know what they’re going to do with a bag of Doritos? I think most of us eat them. Is there one guy out there grinding them up and gluing them together to make a Locos personal enjoyment item? Even if there is, first off this guy probably doesn’t even read the “Best if used by” thing because rules don’t concern him. And two, a Dorito personal enjoyment item wouldn’t expire anyway! You can probably use that way beyond the expiration date for eating something. The expiration date really only applies to eating. I can “use” milk bought today to rub on my nipples in the year 2040 and get just as much pleasure out of it as if I did right now. There’s no point for them to say “Best if used by.”

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