Ask McFartnuggets: “How Long Is Okay To Stay Sitting On Toilet After Pooping?”

I wouldn't recommend sitting here too long.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

How long is it okay to stay sitting on a toilet after pooping? Sometimes I will get caught up a game of Candy Crush or Angry Birds while on the toilet and three hours later I realized I’ve already pooped and not wiped at all. Is this safe? Am I going to dry my butt shut if this happens again?  -- Allison from Ft. Lauderdale

Dear Allison:

No you’re not going to dry your butt shut… It would take years for your feces to fossilize and solder your anus shut. And even if that did happen, that’s a popular technique that many cultures who don’t have access to toilet paper utilize to stay clean. Just be warned that it basically creates the effect of a wine cork so when you finally do have to poo it’s like cracking open a bottle of champagne.

In answer to your question, I would say it’s okay to sit on a toilet up to an hour after you’re done, unless you live with a lot of people or are in a public bathroom then it’s more like ten minutes.

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com but please be aware I’m experiencing a bit of backlog due to the overwhelming response. It may take me awhile to get to your questions, but I will!