2.14.2014

The Top 10 WORST Foods To Eat Raw

Eating raw is a great way to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle, but you have to choose the right foods. You can’t just run around eating everything raw. There are certain foods that should always be cooked and here’s the top ten:


10. Radish
Onions aren’t on the list, but their tiny friend Radishes are. They’re not in the same family by blood, but I think they might be in-laws or something because they both taste messed up when you bite into them raw.

Here's a colored diarrhea painting of people digging for radishes.


9. Squash
If you’ve ever tried to pierce the hard flesh of a raw squash with your teeth before you know it’s a chore with very little pay off. Even if you do get through that husk, the uncooked meat isn’t exactly what we call mother’s milk.

Enjoy cracking your teeth open on those bad boys!

8. Corn
A lot of people do eat raw corn, but it’s number 8 on this list because you may as well be eating air. Cooked corn kernels ends up in your poop so what do you think happens when they’re not even soft at the time of entry? That’s right. It looks like a melted Baby Ruth full of candy corn.

Corn: The immortal fruit/vegetable/grain?

7. Lobster
Folks love lobster, there’s even a restaurant named after the red kind, but it’s really only good cooked. People like to talk about how boiling lobsters alive is cruel, but I’d imagine cracking open their shells and eating their flesh while they’re still alive is just a little bit worse.

Unless you really love crunchy and pinchy food you're going to want to avoid raw lobster.


6. Crab
Same deal as lobsters, except crabs are a notch below lobsters in value, taste, and class. Also, there’s generally less meat in a crab than a lobster so it’s more trouble for less nutrition.

You do it raw and you might just get the crabs.

5. Chicken
If you’re thinking about eating raw chicken you may as well just prick your tongue with used needles you find in the street. No, raw chicken won’t give you HIV, but Salmonella is no treat.

Those colors look poisonous.

4. Horse
If you live in Ireland or the UK there’s a good chance you’ve already accidentally eaten cooked horse meat. There are a big controversy about that so imagine how bad people would feel if they ate it raw.

If you've had Taco Bell, you've had horse. Get over it!


3. Pork
Eating raw pork is never a good idea. Pork is generally seen as the least clean of the major three meats. You’re actually probably better off licking a pig’s butthole. Then again that might be illegal, at least in most states...

Why doesn't anyone eat the white part? I thought it was the other white meat!


2. Shark
I think we can all agree that shark doesn’t taste too good even cooked, so why would you even bother eating it raw? Not to mention it’s very dangerous trying to eat a living shark.

You'd think more people would want to turn the tables on sharks, but it's just too difficult.


1. Dog
The number one thing people think you shouldn’t even eat cooked has to be the number food to never eat raw. Dog is #1 by default, but I doubt too many people would argue with that placement. I’m not saying to cook dogs. I’m against eating dogs entirely, but if you had a gun to your head and a choice between only cooked dog and raw dog, you don’t take the raw dog. That’s all I’m saying.

Even when they're drawn badly you don't want to eat them!

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