The Top 5 Ways To Tell If Someone Is A Schizophrenic Homeless Person Or Just Using A Bluetooth

It's so hard to tell who's crazy these days.
With Bluetooth earpiece technology becoming more affordable to the common man, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to differentiate someone yammering on an invisible headset with a legitimately mentally ill and possibly dangerous individual. Fortunately there are some key details to take note of that can help you in assessing someone as either a possible threat to your well being or just a douchebag.

5. Clothing
Usually if you’re dealing with someone in a suit there’s a good chance they’re not a hobo. Usually if you’re dealing with someone wearing just a thong made out of old newspaper they are. These are all assumptions, but usually they’re pretty accurate ones.

4. Odor
More important than clothing is odor. If someone smells like a bucket of pig crap in an oven brick sauna, they usually don’t have all their marbles. Then again, they could just be a European businessman or something. In this case you would refer back to clothing and reconsider your assessment.

3. Mannerisms
A key qualifier of someone’s mental health is the gesturing and mannerisms they use while talking on the phone or to hallucinations. You very rarely see someone who’s talking to psychological projections in measured tones with concise and controlled body language. Odds are they’ll throw in an erratic arm swing here and there or display a tick or two.

2. Eye contact
Whether or not the person is making direct eye contact with you while talking is important. A normal run of the mill douchebag talking loud on their Bluetooth is too caught up in their busy busy life to make eye contact with anyone who they can’t benefit from in some way. However, a rambling psycho seeing invisible people will tend to make direct eye contact with you while talking to the fairy inside your brain. This is a bad sign, by the way.

1. Their conversation
This is the biggest tip-off to whether or not you’re dealing with a bluetooth user. Clothes and odor can be misleading. Remember what they say about judging a book by its cover, well listening to the conversation is judging by words on the pages. If you hear someone talking about business and stock trading, then there’s a good chance it’s a normal douche, but if you hear them talking angrily about random things and people like, “Eugene gonna find that knife and when he do I’mma kill him with pudding!” Ten times out of ten that’s a crazy person you should stay away from. Hell, even if they are talking on a Bluetooth, run.

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