Ask McFartnuggets: “Is This A Good Excuse For Peeing While Sitting Down?”

Not the safest way to pee,
but certainly the quietest.
Dear McFartnuggets:
All my life I’ve been told that a man should stand when he pees, but now that I have a baby it’s important to keep it asleep. I’m a very loud peer (sp?) but I realized that by sitting down to pee the urine has much less gravity acting on it and it hits the water with less impact leading to a lower volume which won’t wake up my baby causing my wife and I a huge headache. Am I still a man?  -- Smitty from Tuscaloosa, Alabama

Dear Smitty:
Hey, relax man. I get it! Hell I pee sitting down too! I mean usually it’s while I’m pooping. I can’t help that. I usually save my bathroom trips and kill two birds with one stone. Is that wrong? I don’t think so. If you think that’s okay then what’s wrong with just peeing while sitting? It’s the same thing there’s just no crap coming out of your ass. Sure it seems like a womanly thing to do, but there are situations where it can be the best option such as in your case. Manly peeing can be very noisy. If you’re hiding in a bathroom with a murderer in the other room and you really have to pee are you gonna pee all loud so he hears comes in and chops your head off with a machete or are you gonna pee sitting down in silence? Yeah that’s what I thought. You’re fine, Smitty. Don’t worry about it.

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