Ask McFartnuggets: “Should Humans Cause Global Warming On Purpose To Fight Dangerous Winter Weather?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
This winter has been truly awful. I’ve never seen this much snow and ice in all my life. I think this type of weather proves Global Warming doesn’t exist, but now I’m wishing it DID. My question is, can we force Global Warming to be real to help stop all this ice? Should I start burning coal in my backyard and buy a cow who can fart into the air and spray aerosol cans into the sky? What can me and my neighborhood do to help?  -- Gillian from Statesboro, Georgia

Dear Gillian:
No Gillian, please don’t do that! You see “Global Warming” is an outdated concept. It’s now “Climate Change” and that’s exactly what is causing these extreme conditions all over America and the world. Conceivably we could all pollute the ozone layer to rip a hole in it to get some much needed Sun radiation onto all the ice, but ultimately that would do much more harm than good. During the Summer we would bake and there’s no real way to repair any damage we do. Trust me, having your car slide around on icy freeways is much better than being cooked alive in your own skin. It’s a matter of the lesser of two evils. Cold is always better than heat. Who would you rather be an Eskimo or someone in one of those drought ridden African towns you see on the Santa Claus children's’ fund commercials? You never see Eskimo children on those ads do you? Think about it! Thanks for the question, Gillian!

Don't start spraying your Freon just yet!

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