Streaking is one of America’s greatest pastimes, but like everything there is a time and a place for it. If you choose to ignore that fact you could find yourself in a very uncomfortable situation. Here are the top 5 worst places you can ever go streaking:
5. Nursing Home
America’s elderly are sadly among the most disrespected people on Earth. These people have gone through a lot and survived. They didn’t survive to see your balls flapping on their shuffleboard court.
|Haven't old people suffered enough?|
When you’re streaking, safety is key. You don’t want to be around sparks or molten metals. You streak in a steel mill, you risk becoming a eunuch. You’ve been warned.
|Molten steel + genitals = Life changing mistake.|
3. Glass recycling factory
When you’re streaking the greatest concern is slipping and falling while completely bare naked. God help you if you slip and fall into a glass recycling grinder. That’s not a good place to fall even with clothes on, but it’s even worse naked.
|Not sure what's going on here at all.|
A cemetery is meant to be a place of rest for the spirits of the dead. You should never violate their peace with your naked drunk body flailing all about. Not only do you risk having your genitals become haunted, but if there’s anyone you don’t want to piss off it’s a gravedigger.
|Don't wake the dead with your mourning wood.|
Cemetery was a close second, but the absolute worst place to streak has to be prison, jail, penitentiary whatever you want to call it. When you’re around a bunch of hopefully mostly guilty inmates the last thing you want to do is give them any ideas. The whole idea of streaking is you run by so fast people can only react so quickly before you’re gone. In a prison, you’re never gone. You’ll be seeing these guys for the rest of your sentence and that’s awkward enough without you streaking in front of them.
|Be careful you might accidentally run into a shank, or a new friend.|