|You'd have to be a bird brain |
to get obsessed with Flappy Bird.
By now everyone has heard of the phone game “Flappy Bird” where you tap the screen to make a bird flap upward to avoid hitting green Mario pipes. Scientists everywhere have been trying to figure out how this game has become such a phenomenon. They’re wondering how so many people can be enthralled by such an idiotic and simple concept.
Some scientists have posited that the game stimulates the same part of the brain as gambling. They think the innate human need to improve on past high scores makes the action of tapping a screen to make a bird move upward very addictive. I think they’re giving people too much credit. It’s 2014 and most people are morons. Once you grasp that, the success of Flappy Bird should not surprise you.
Flappy Birds became a success for the same reason Angry Birds was a hit. People are obsessed with birds. How else could you explain this:
Clearly something is wrong with people. I think we might be turning into cats. That would also explain why we watch so many cat videos online. That’s probably what cats would do all day if they were human, along with working at those factories where baby chickens are ground up into nugget meat. It won’t be long until we’re shitting in boxes of sand and eating bacon flavored Meow Mix. With this realization, I think it’s obvious that the next great smartphone game will be something called “Angry Flappy Bird” or maybe something like “Lick Your Own Butthole.”