Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Okay To Breastfeed Animals?”

Looks kinda like a deformed woman
with a big blue nipple.
Dear McFartnuggets: The other day I was looking through my neighbor’s living room window and she was breastfeeding her cat! Is this okay to do? I mean people drink cow milk so why can’t cats drink human milk? -- Nicole from Pittsburgh

Dear Nicole:
As long as the cat is enjoying it, I don’t see why it’s a problem, but I assume society will have a problem with this. The fact that humans drink cow milk is really the only exception to interspecies breastfeeding aside from goats. For some reason sucking the teats of any other animal is seen as disgusting and awful. For instance if you were to break into the zoo and breastfeed from a chimp or hippo not only would you be banned from the zoo for life, but you would be sent to jail and have to call your mother to bail you out. Keep in mind I said YOU in that example, not ME. And it doesn’t matter who’s doing the teatsucking either. It’s just as illegal to let a chimp suck on your nipples, or so I’m told by zookeepers.

Your neighbor is clearly a disturbed woman. A lot of people view their pets as their children, but I think breastfeeding them takes that concept a little too far. It’s really up to you whether you want to alert the ASPCA, but I doubt they’ll care either way. Putting your nipple in a cat’s mouth is a gamble every time. If that cat isn’t totally consenting then you better believe it’ll never happen again. Thanks for the question!

Keep on sending your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

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