With most of America experiencing the harshest winter season we’ve seen in years it’s important to remember the positives to harsh cold weather.
6. Most insects disappear
Bugs and other pests hibernate, migrate, or just plain freeze to death in cold weather which is great. I guess mosquitos figured out it’s too hard to bite people when they’re all covered in winter clothes so they may as well take a vacation. Good riddance.
|I don't even know what the hell is happening here, but whatever it is, it would never happen in the winter!|
5. Fewer homeless people on the streets
When it starts to dip into below freezing temperatures you barely see any homeless people out on the streets. I don’t know where they go. They’re clearly not dead or you’d see frozen hobo corpses everywhere. They’re keeping warm somewhere and that’s what’s important.
|When it's super cold, homeless people decide it's time to get indoors and barely none flash their genitals at you.|
4. You can’t step in dog poop
When it gets really cold out it’s impossible to step in dog crap because it freezes solid. Sure you can slip on a dog turd, but at least it doesn’t pancake into the treads in your shoes and get all over your carpet and bed.
|There's dog poop somewhere down there...|
3. Less public fighting and violence
People go out drinking way less often in the winter than the summer. When there’s fewer drunk jackasses running around that means less chance of getting into a brawl with a random douchebag. Even if you do get into a bit of a scuffle, not too many people are willing to throw down in a blizzard.
|How many riots happen in the snow?|
2. You don’t sweat as much
If you’re like me and you sweat profusely all the time, winter is a great time to be alive. Any time you can walk to and from the store without having all your clothes drenched with salty body juice it’s incredible. It’s so much easier to get warm when you’re cold than to cool off when you’re warm. In the summer when you have to cool down you have to sit in front of an air conditioner and put ice packs on your crotch, etc. Meanwhile if you’re too cold just wrap a damn blanket around yourself or put on a sweater. Simple, and your mother doesn’t get mad about you using her ice packs.
|If you could smell this picture you'd know that's not rain.|
1. Less rape
Does cold weather put an end to all rape? No, but it definitely makes it difficult for potential rapists. Let’s face it, when it’s 0 degrees out no one’s thinking about sex. That’s why there are so few Inuit people.
|This would not happen during the winter.|
So the next time you’re cursing the groundhog for giving us more winter realize you ought to be thanking him for keeping all the insect rapists and violent hobos indoors away from you.