Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Does My Grandma Smell So Funny?”

The elderly look odd
and they smell odd. It's
part of their charm.
Dear McFartnuggets:
I love my nana more than anything in this world, but for some reason she has this really strange odor that I can’t put my finger on. What is that damn smell? It smells like a really musty perfume, but I asked her what perfume she wears and she said she doesn’t wear any! Why does my grandma smell so funny?! -- Shirley from Wisconsin

Dear Shirley:
I doubt your grandmother smells “funny” as human aging and decrepitation is no laughing matter. I think the adjective you’re looking for is “strange”. Your grandma smells strange and there actually is a medical explanation. As the human body deteriorates the tissues and cells give off a chemical odor akin to rotting fat, flowers, aging wheat, and a hint of cucumber. A lot of elderly women try to cover this odor with perfumes, but because it’s so strong they overcompensate and end up smelling like a goddamn potpourri factory. Unfortunately their death odor is so natural and strong that it ends up smelling more like a potpourri factory filled with elderly people. Old lady smell is an unfortunate byproduct of the aging process, but like looming death it’s something we all have to accept and deal with. The sooner we can come to terms with it, the less discomfort we will experience.

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