|Sometimes it feels like the only|
thing getting drilled at work is YOU,
in the ass, by work.
If you hate your job then you’ve probably been looking for ways to make the workday go by faster. What I’ve found is that when you have something scheduled in your near future that you really don’t want to do, it makes time go by much faster than normal. It’s like life wants to rush you into the thing you really hate doing. Fortunately you can take advantage of this phenomenon to speed up time that you want to pass like time at work. The trick is to set up something you really don’t want to do. For example you can:
1. Schedule a date for after work with someone you find disgusting.
After setting up the date you’ll spend all day dreading this encounter and trying to think up ways to get out of it. By the time you think of an evasion plan that won’t hurt their feelings it’s already 5 o’clock.
2. Agree to dinner with an annoying relative.
One of the more dreadful things to do in life is to have dinner with a relative you don’t really like. But it’s going to make your day go by faster and it’s probably good to see them anyway because you’re family blah blah blah.
3. Set an impractical deadline for a project.
This is very effective way to pass time at work. If you have a task that you know would normally take two or three days to complete, tell your boss it’ll be done by the end of the day. You wouldn’t believe how fast time goes by after that! It’s truly incredible. It doesn’t seem possible, but for some reason once you have a deadline like that every minute passes like a second.
4. Challenge a random large person to a fight and tell him to meet you outside after work.
Nothing passes time like dreading your impending death. What starts as a long tiresome 8 hour workday becomes a blink of an eye as your life flashes in front of you.
5. Tell a hobo he can come home with you after work.
After you do this you’ll have no idea what to expect. How did the hobo interpret your offer? Did he take it to mean he can move in? Did he take it sexually? As these ideas fly through your brain, time will be melting off the clock like nobody’s business. Then at the end of the day you’ve done some decent charity work and helped a fellow human being in need. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
If making your workday fly by is your top priority, you’d be crazy not to try any of these methods. They really do work as long as you believe in the fear and dread they represent. Just be careful. No one said warping time and perception was easy or safe!