The Top 5 Worst Things To Do During A Job Interview

These days it’s tougher than ever to get a job. With sometimes hundreds or thousands of candidates for a single position there’s no room for error when it comes time to impress at a job interview. With that in mind, it’s just as important to know what NOT to do during an interview. By avoiding these 5 horrible pitfalls you put yourself one step closer to nailing it and getting the job!

5. Leave to use the bathroom
Here’s a controversial one. Now most interviewers will understand if you need to use the bathroom, it’s a natural human thing and they’d much rather you leave for a moment instead of shit your pants in their chair. However, it does show them that you’re unprepared. It shows that you have poor planning and scheduling skills, or a weak stomach (both are bad). It also suggests you might need a lot of bathroom breaks once you’re hired which would reduce your attractiveness as an employee. To top it all off you might leave them sitting there for up to 30 minutes which basically kills any chance you had at making a good impression. Special note: if you do have to leave for the bathroom during an interview, remember to check your shoes and back of your pants because having shitty toilet paper sticking out of your underpants is a death sentence.

If they have a bidet, USE IT.

4. Talk too much
A lot of people make the mistake of talking too much during an interview. They ramble on and on about their accomplishments and what they can bring to the table, but the more time you spend talking the less time you’re taking to read the interviewer. Interviewers usually give off good signs as to what they want your answer to be and if you’re off yakking about your five kids and what your nephews are doing for the summer you won’t pick up on those.

Some people just don't know when to shut the eff up. Like they just kissed the mafuckin Blarney Stone and got the Gift of Gab or sumshit.

3. Eat a meal
A precursor to using the bathroom, eating a meal during an interview is a little worse. It’s worse because it’s totally optional. If you need to use the bathroom you’re gambling with crapping your pants, you’re almost literally playing with fire. Meanwhile if you’re just a little hungry odds are it can wait til the interview is over. Don’t pull out a KFC Famous Bowl and start chowing down in front of the hiring manager. They need to see you’re hungry for the job, not the Colonel’s secret herbs and spices.

Probably not the best time for an authentic English breakfast.

2. Stay silent
The opposite of talking too much, being silent is actually worse. Unless the guy interviewing you is a big Charlie Chaplin fan or you’re trying to get a job as a mime, you’re going to want to say a few things here and there. Sadly, one of the few groups interviewers are still allowed to discriminate against are mutes. It’s not right. I wish I could change it. I mean really all you need to know about someone is in the resume and their body language. How long will it take the business world to realize that?

If you choose not to talk you better be very animated and charismatic to make up for it.

1. Throw up/Crap your pants
The number one thing to never do during a job interview is throw up aka vomit. This will put an almost immediate halt to the interview process and ruin any chances you had at getting the job. They say the key to an interview is making an impression and being remembered. Well, this not the way to do it. You don’t want to reveal TOO MUCH about yourself during an interview and often times, what you had for breakfast is one of those things you want to keep a secret. Crapping your pants is just as bad except at least that stays in your trousers for the most part and doesn’t ruin the interviewer’s desk. If you need to throw up or crap your pants please refer to the 5th worst thing to do during a job interview.

He had too much Kool-Aid.

Those are the five worst things to do during a job interview. Obviously watching your diet before an interview is key. Don’t eat Mexican, Thai, anything spicy. Don’t try any new foods, stick with known commodities. Lay off the sugar, but don’t take any quaaludes. I hope you learned something here. Avoid doing these five things and you’ve got a fighting chance!

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