Ask McFartnuggets: “How Come it’s So Hard to Remember People’s Names?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
How come it’s so hard for me to remember people’s names when I first meet them? Every single time I meet someone in a group of people they tell me their names, I repeat the name back to myself and then within two seconds it’s gone. Why? It’s so embarrassing to ask someone what their name is again. Why don’t we just repeat our names to people like say “Hi, my name is Brian, Brian, Brian. My name is Brian, Brian Brian, Brian.” If people did that then I don’t think we’d forget as easily so why isn’t that what we do? -- Chocolatisha from Branson, Missouri

Dear Chocolatisha:
There are a couple reasons people don’t remember names right away. First off, most people have really boring normal names. If you go through a group and it’s made up of Jeff, Brian, Rachel, Steve, William, Sarah, and John there’s a good chance you’ll forget all of them. Now if you were in a group of people with names like Ghostovaries, Lobstertits, Shaved Anus, The Great Gazoo, Ummmm, Peckerwaffles, and Chocolatisha you’d probably have a much better chance of remembering the names and subsequently the faces that went with them. There are way too many people on this planet with the same names. That’s a major issue. The second reason it’s hard to remember people’s names is when you meet people there’s no real reason to remember their names. If someone told your their name and then pointed a gun at you and said “If you ever forget my name I’ll blow your goddamn head off!” Odds are your brain would instinctively burn that person’s name into your memory. But if they’re just meeting you without a loaded gun and the stakes are low your mind will subconsciously flush that name down the mental toilet like the worthless piece of shit it is.

The human brain is a very disgusting and flawed mechanism.

Send all your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and I’ll do my best to answer them here.

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