Ask McFartnuggets: “How Do Blind People Know Where Blind Persons Crossings Are?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I was walking down the sidewalk when I saw a big yellow sign that said “Blind Persons Crossing Ahead.” It was apparently for drivers on the road, but that got me wondering how the hell do the blind people know where these crossings are? How do they do it? If I was blind I would have no freaking clue where streets were much less where a special blind crossing was! I saw a blind guy in the subway last week. I don’t even know how he got down there! -- Maria from Boston, Massachusetts

Dear Maria:
Yeah blind people really are amazing. Actually I believe the politically correct term is “Totally visually impaired.” If any of them are reading this, or at least having it read aloud to them via robot I want to say they’re incredible. If I was blind I’d just stay in all the time yelling HOOO-AHHH and have shit brought to me by a young Chris O’Donnell while I drank whiskey and pondered suicide constantly, but these folks are out there doing things and it’s incredible. I think most blind people take the time to figure out their neighborhood and so they can map out mentally where all the streets and street corners are. Pedestrian crossings are supposed to have a button that TVI people can push to signal that there’s a “blind person” crossing. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ve ever seen this so most of these folks just wait for the sounds of driving to stop and make their way across. So to answer your question I don’t think anyone knows where the “blind persons crossings” are. They’re likely just the local government’s patronizing effort to appeal to the disabled community. Now if they wanted to help they could have the crossings emit a frequency and equip the visually impaired with a special device that could tell them where it was, but I guess that’s just too much work to help these people out. You know what they say, out of sight out of mind…

This is so drivers know they just hit a blind person and not just any regular person.

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