The Top 5 Signs That Summer is Officially Here

A lot of people look forward to the month known as Summer and while there is a specific date and time when it officially begins, you don’t really need to pay attention to that. There are five very obvious telltale signs that will let you know when Summer has officially
arrived and here they are:

5. Old people wear shorts.
As most animals age they get a lot colder due to weakened blood circulation as the body prepares to die. Humans are no exception to this. So when you see elderly people wearing shorts because they’re too hot you know it’s getting serious. It has to be pretty humid and warm for an old person to expose their odd looking legs.

Nothing worse than an elderly man sitting with his legs open. I'm including genocide in this.

4. Everything starts smelling like wet ass.
When Summer is here you’ll notice a random stink of hot wet ass at random points during your day. This is generally from other people’s sweaty assholes at work or quite possibly even your own. It’s just one of those little treats the Summer brings every year.

Before summer, I'd never believe a human's groin could create the same odors as an entire landfill.

3. You’re woken up in the middle of the night by ants crawling into your butthole.
Speaking of sweaty assholes, a true sign that Summer is here is when all the insects come out of hibernation. The season usually arrives with a rude awakening when you find ants crawling in your buttcrack in the middle of the night. And if they’re ants, consider yourself lucky. Things could be worse, it could have been an Emperor Scorpion or Brown Recluse spider.

Imagine this, but instead of a piece of wood, my asshole.

2. People masturbate in public.
One hallmark of the Summer is all the homeless people thaw out from the Winter. This leads to a tremendous spike in the instances of public masturbation you’ll see on buses, in train stations, around the mall, etc. The reasons for this phenomenon boil down to overheated schizophrenic hobos or just drunk perverts seeing scantily clad women. That’s all you really need for a perfect storm of public masturbation.

If you're going to masturbate in public, get a fleshlight and do it so no one can entirely see what's happening.

And the number one sign that Summer is finally here is...

1. You start getting mosquito bites on parts of your body you never knew you had.
When you find yourself itching your crotch, seeing tons of itchy bumps and realize you haven’t slept with a hooker or been shaving your crotch in the past few months then you know it has to be mosquito bites. This is why it’s critical to always keep your anus free of night sweat and never sleep on your stomach. If you do this you risk creating a breeding ground for mosquitoes in your very own butthole

What is that area between your neck and chin called anyway? 

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