"Dumbass Sayings: Lawyer Up"

For some reason "Lawyer up" has become a normal thing to say. What's weird about that is it sounds like a street term like "knuckle up" or "man up" and yet you will hear elderly women saying it. It just doesn’t sound right. I had a sweet old lady the other day tell me, after I accidentally stepped on her foot, “You’re in big trouble, kiddo! You better lawyer up!” Lawyer up… It sounds like you’re saying “suit up” like to put on a suit of armor before a battle. The thing is, you don’t put on a lawyer. Now I know most people don’t think of lawyers as human beings, but they technically are and wearing one like a suit will actually get you in even more legal trouble. Plus they deal with lawsuits, they’re not suits. If you use this “lawyer up” phrase then you’re essentially calling lawyers suits which would make them in effect law suits who deal with lawsuits and that’s just too confusing. What happened to just saying “hire a lawyer”? Why do we need a nonsensical logically incongruous statement to express that sentiment. Just tell me to hire a lawyer, old lady! And also that’s actually very good advice. Why would you be giving me advice if you’re trying to screw me over here? Nothing about this makes sense.

"You best lawyer up, bitchass! And checkity check thyself before thine wreck thyself!"

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