Dumbass Sayings: “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend”

Sometimes you’ll hear an overweight woman at the jewelry section of Walmart scream “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend!” This is such a bizarre saying. I know it started as a corny ass Marilyn Monroe song, but women have really taken this and ran with it. It’s such a hypocritical statement for women to make. Women are always complaining about how men only care about a woman’s appearance and treat women like objects, then they respond to that by being enthralled by crystallized carbon. At least men are appreciating the beauty of other human beings and not just shiny rocks. You know what man’s best friend is? Dogs. Dogs actually sort of have emotions and interact with you in a loving way. What does a diamond do? It sits on your finger or wrist and tells people you have a lot of money. The whole problem with this saying is that it uses the word “girl.” It should be insulting to women how often they’re called girls on a routine basis. Men don’t consider themselves boys. Dogs aren’t called “boy’s best friend.” What would a boy’s best friend be? A tie between candy and farts? Little girls don’t care about diamonds, at least they shouldn’t. If you see a child wearing diamonds then there’s something seriously wrong with their parents. No, diamonds aren’t a girl/woman’s best friend. Cats are woman’s best friend. At least cats are half an emotional step above a stone.

To be fair, diamonds are great listeners.

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