Dumbass Sayings: “Your Face is Going to Get Stuck Like That Forever”

Sometimes when you’re waiting on the checkout line at Walmart you’ll see a little kid who keeps staring at you. After a few minutes you hear the mother of this brat say “If you keep making faces like that one day your face is gonna get stuck like that forever!” Really? Lady, I’ve been making funny faces at people for decades and never once has that even come close to happening. If you don’t want me to make faces at your kid, tell him to fuck off and look at someone else. I would tell him, but I’m still dealing with legal troubles from the last time I did that. I’ve been hearing this thing about my face freezing in a funny face since I was a kid. It’s complete nonsense. Don’t you think if this was an actual phenomenon that it would be in the news constantly? You’d turn on the TV or read the newspaper and see reports about “Child’s Face Frozen in Place! 1,423,038th Recorded Case This Week!” You never saw reports like that on the news because that never happened. The only way your face freezes forever is if you get a stroke and there’s nothing you can really do to prevent that. You may as well enjoy life while you can make silly faces so that’s just going to encourage me. The final problem I have with this saying is, so what? So what if my face froze in a weird position for the rest of my life? There are worse things in the world than being facially disfigured. Now maybe you don’t think so, but I happen to be a little less shallow of a person than you. You might want to think that over and start teaching your kid about the lack of importance facial features truly have in the grand scheme of life.

Okay well if you start that early it might actually stick. The face is still developing.

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