Ask McFartnuggets: “What’s The Worst Place To Have A Wet Dream?”

Northern Spotted Owl says:
"I saw you have a nocturnal emission."
Dear McFartnuggets: I recently had a wet dream when I fell asleep during class and it was very humiliating. What’s the worst place ever to have a wet dream? -- Dave from Indianapolis

Dear Dave:
Wow, that must have been pretty bad. At least that will teach you to stay awake during lectures! But that’s not the worst place for a WD believe it or not. In my humble opinion, the worst place you can have a “special accident” while you’re sleeping is on an airplane. It’s the worst because not only are you surrounded by strangers who are going to laugh at you, but these days you can be seen as having a “biological threat” in your pants.

Airline security barely lets you take fluids on planes anymore so you can imagine how crazy they get when they see what appears to be a shampoo explosive of some sort all over you. One minute you’re having a dream about swimming in a pool full of baby pandas or whatever it may be, the next you’re being tackled by an air marshall and at that point you don’t even realize what’s happened. It’s not a very pleasurable experience.

Then to top it all off you have to change your pants and if you’re like me you didn’t bring any on the plane so you need to either steal some from an old lady who’s sleeping or staple a damn airline blanket around your waist and walk around looking like some kind of homeless psycho gypsy in the terminal when your flight lands. I’m sure the FAA isn’t going to want to ask you a few questions about what you’re doing. Not only embarrassing, but a huge pain in the ass. That’s a double whammy. At least when you had your accident at school you probably got to go home. Consider yourself lucky.

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