Ask McFartnuggets: “Do Mermaids Smoke Seaweed?”

Mermaids do share many
characteristics of hippies.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Do mermaids smoke seaweed? -- Abigail from Pittsburgh

Dear Abigail:
You do know what a mermaid is, don’t you? They’re aquatic half humanoid half fish creatures. You can’t smoke anything underwater. How would they even light a seaweed joint or a water bong? They would have to be on land in order to smoke seaweed and if they’re on land they may as well just smoke landweed.

Which brings me to the next issue and that is seaweed has no THC or anything in it that would make someone high. Very few plants in the ocean can be considered drugs. You’re already swimming around underwater, how badly do you really need drugs at that point? I think if mermaids were to abuse any drug it would be the poison of a sea anemone or a cone snail. Maybe they inject themselves on purpose with the stingers like your uncle does with a heroin syringe. This of course hasn’t been proven by science. Maybe there’s a small area of the ocean where a bunch of junkie mermaids live getting high off sea poison, but until we find that, there’s no evidence of mermaids partaking in any type of sea narcotics up to and including seaweed, shark cocaine, or molly.

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and don’t smoke seaweed.

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