The Top 5 Weirdest Bodily Substances

The human body is a
factory for disgusting crap.
Despite all the centuries of medical studies, the human body is still very much a mystery even to the people who have one. Our bodies never cease to amaze and sicken us. One of the more disturbing things about the human body is the various substances and fluids it creates and secretes. Most of them we understand like blood, saliva, and boogers, yet others are still very confusing. Their purposes are sketchy at best and they’re just flat out disgusting. Here are the top 5 weirdest human body substances:

5. Ear wax
Ear wax is said to aid in cleaning and lubrication of the ear canal. I get that it traps dirt from getting into your brain, but lubrication? Who the hell needs ear lubrication? If you need ear lubrication you’re doing sex all wrong, but I guess that does give a new meaning to the term “Come again?”

You never hear of someone getting their ears waxed because the wax we have is already good enough.

4. Nose oil
The oil that comes out of your nose pores, what is that? Why? If that oil didn’t exist would we all have super dry wrinkled noses? Who the hell even cares? If everyone had a dry wrinkled nose would that be such a big deal? You’d get used to it because everyone would have one. I’m trying to understand what effect greasiness has on the actual function of a nose and all I’m coming up with is NONE.

Nose oil pointless unlike the nose it sits on.

3. Smegma
Smegma is a mixture of dead skin and oil that accumulate either under the foreskin or clitoral hood. There has been a suggested link between smegma and cancer, but it is believed the purpose for it is to facilitate lubrication for intercourse. That’s just gross. We don’t need this in our lives. Humans already have lubrication for sex, it’s called Crisco.

You should never have cheese coming out of your dick.

2. Lip crud
George Carlin brought up the subject of “Lip crud” before and to this day no one knows what the hell it is. What is that gooey white crap that accumulates at the sides of your mouth when you’re dehydrated? It doesn’t even have a medical name. That’s how weird it is. It seems like it might be related to rabies foam, but who the hell knows.

White gooey substances should not be on your mouth.

And the number one weirdest body substance is…

1. Eye crust
Eye crust actually has a medical name and that’s “Rheum.” It’s a combination of blood cells, skin, dust, and nasal mucus. That’s right, nasal mucus. Your eyes have snot coming out of them. So the next time someone blows their nose in your eyes, that’s actually not as weird as you think it is.

No one should have this coming out of their eyes.

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