The Top 5 Things That Are NOT Better When “Homemade”

Not everything is best when
homemade by grandma. Like
houses made of candy.
People always make a big fuss over “homemade” items. Whether it’s homemade lemonade or homemade laundry detergent, everyone loves homemade products. These days you’re not hip unless you make your own salad dressing from scratch at home. Well some things aren’t better homemade. Somethings are actually downright horrifying when homemade. Here are the top 5 things that are never as good when they’re homemade:

5. Chinese food
For some reason when you try to make Chinese food at home you end up just getting drunk, setting the kitchen on fire and having to live in a hotel for a week. How do they make Chinese food? How can something billions of people know be such a secret?

Who buys sesame seeds for their home? You can't make this shit at home unless you're some kind of sesame seed psycho.

4. Personal enjoyment items
Homemade personal enjoyment items are popular for folks who don’t like going to adult toy stores or ordering things from the internet. This means most people who make their own personal enjoyment items are a little DIFFERENT than normal folk. Going homemade is not always the best bet, but hey at least you’re recycling those old paper towel rolls.

That is a HORRIBLE design.

3. Condoms
Condom technology has gotten so good these days there’s no reason to make your own at home. They have condoms that can make your genitals feel icy, hot, spicy, cold, bumpy, whatever you want. Try doing that with a GLAD sandwich bag full of spermicide!

Yeaaahhh... Trust me this doesn't work.

2. Glasses
Who the hell makes their own glasses? No one! You know why? Because homemade glasses suck. Glasses are just one of those things people have to make for you. Even if you make a decent frame out of wood or coat hangers, what the hell are you going to do for the lenses? Use actual Coke bottle bottoms? Good luck with that and going unharassed throughout your day.

Make your own glasses and you're liable to look like a goofass.

And the number one thing that’s worse when it’s homemade is…

1. Sex dolls
When it comes to sex dolls you really have to trust the factory made stuff. Non-homemade is far safer. While it's expensive, it’s totally worth the quality. When people find a sex doll in your closet they’re usually a little creeped out, but if they find a homemade sex doll in there made of an old scarecrow you found by the side of the road with a mask made of human hair, well that’s even creepier. Don’t put your family though that.

If you want the good stuff you're gonna have to shell out around seven grand to some creepy Japanese guy.

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