The Top 5 Global Dangers That Everyone Just Forgot About

New dangers are always being created
and we forget about the old ones.
The news has a way of sensationalizing threats in order to create fear and keep people glued to the 24 hour news cycle titty. One of the side effects to that is they will completely stop talking about a threat as soon as a new one comes along. These threats don’t disappear, they merely get pushed to the back of the line. Ever since 9/11, terrorism has taken a lot of airtime away from other fears. It’s important to remember what those things are because they still exist. If 9/11 taught us anything it’s to stay vigilant and never forget! Here are the top five biggest threats that everyone has forgotten about:

5. Mad Cow Disease
When Mad Cow Disease first hit the scene people were scared to death to take a bite of a hamburger. No one wanted to end up foaming from the mouth and going insane at TGIFriday’s. Not only would it be very embarrassing for your date, but it would be a very painful death. In the past decade, Mad Cow has faded to the back of people’s minds. It’s still around and probably just as big of a threat as it ever was, but because no one on the news talks about it we can enjoy our steaks in ignorant bliss.

Mad Cow sounds too funny, let's just call it what it really is: Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy.

4. Smallpox
We think just because something’s called Smallpox it’s not a big deal. Smallpox should probably get a new name like Death Warts or something so people take it seriously. It’s still out there and it has to capability to wipe out humanity. The only thing that can save us is our reluctance to ever make human contact with each other. Thanks, technology!

Yeah, this doesn't look like a big deal does it?

3. Killer bees
In the 80’s and 90’s there was a big fuss made about how African killer bees had made their way into Brazil and were migrating north to wreak havoc on America. Since then, bees have had their fair share of problems. Bees are vanishing faster than a Malaysian airliner. Things have changed so much that we’re actually trying to save the stingy bastards. If all the bees vanish then the entire ecosystem could collapse, but if we help them too much we’ll all be victims of a killer bee invasion. We’re screwed either way on this one.

We need to Americanize these bees ASAP. Start feeding them McDonald's honey!

2. Acid rain
Remember acid rain? Everyone was so concerned that increasing pollution would cause the skies to pour burning acid on us, killing and maiming millions. Well, since then pollution has gotten drastically worse and yet acid rain is hardly ever mentioned. How is that possible? Shouldn’t acid rain be killing everyone right now? The fact is, it’s still a thing, but in today’s messed up world, being burned alive by acid is the least of our problems.

We're going to need special umbrellas.

And the number one most dangerous problem the world forgot about is...

1. Cooties
What was the number one threat to everything in your life when you were a child? Cooties. Then one day people just stopped talking about it. Did it go away? Of course not. Cooties are still there, it’s just that when you’re an “Adult” you’re not allowed to talk about it. What people don’t realize is that Cooties are the root of such serious illnesses as Syphilis, Herpes, and HIV. The only thing kids get wrong about Cooties is the whole Cootie Shot thing. If only those worked! Millons of people wouldn’t need healthcare if that were the case. Cooties are real and they’re a serious problem that people need to wake up and face.

I bet most people have already thrown out their Cootie Catchers. That's just what they want you to do.

No comments :

Post a Comment