Ask McFartnuggets: “What Can I Do About An Annoying Ice Cream Truck Blasting Music?”

How do deaf children know when
the ice cream man is coming?
Dear McFartnuggets: 
There’s this ice cream man who parks his damn truck in front of my house every single day for hours with his “Pop Goes The Weasel” song playing the entire time while kids buy ice cream from him. I’ve asked him politely to move on several occasions, but he tells me it’s a free country and this is where he does his best business. It’s gotten to the point where I think I can’t take it anymore and I’m fitting to snap! I don’t want to end this violently, but I’m not seeing very many other options. What can I do to make this bastard stop? -- Tricia from Malibu, California

Dear Tricia:
It may seem like making things physical with a crowbar, baseball bat, or even flame thrower might be the best thing to do, but it’s not. The best solution is much easier than that. Simply put a giant stereo out on your front lawn and play gangsta rap on it as loud as you can. Because there are loads of children around buying ice cream it won’t be long before they whine to their parents about all the “bitches” and “hos” they were hearing about by the ice cream truck. The parents will come to the ice cream truck to complain and keep their kids away from it forcing the ice cream man to either move or completely go out of business and your problem is solved!

Send questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and remember, most problems can be solved with gangsta rap.

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