Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Humans Need 8 Hours Of Sleep A Night?

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Dear McFartnuggets: 
I’ve always been told that people need eight hours of sleep a night. I’ve also read that human beings sleep in 90 minute sleep cycles. So if we sleep in 1 and a half hour cycles, why do we need eight hours? Shouldn’t we need either six or nine to stay within the confines of those natural sleep cycles? If anything I would reckon nine hours is best, that’s six full sleep cycles. Where the hell does this number eight come from? -- Minnie from Puerto Rico

Dear Minnie:
Sleep scientists say you’re the most crisp and refreshed when you wake up coming out of a 90 minute cycle so you’d think waking up after 9 hours would be best, but it’s different for everyone.The weird thing is the Center for Disease Control recommends 7 to 8 hours of sleep for adults including elderly folks. I think that’s because they can’t recommend 9 hours. 9 hours seems like a little too much for people. If you slept 9 hours a night you’d have to go to sleep at like 8 PM and wake up at 5 AM to give you enough time to eat breakfast and poop before work then you’d work 9 AM to 5 PM, get home at 6 PM and have two hours to fall asleep. Some people do that five days a week, I don’t know how. The amount of sleep you get really only depends on what job you have. They shouldn’t recommend an average of 8 hours for everyone. Sleep recommendations should be made based on profession. A factory worker should get 9 hours whereas a hooker should get like 5 because she’s always on meth and laying down most of the time anyway.

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