Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Does Alcohol Burn My Testicles?"

It doesn't say
"Do not apply to nutsack"
but it should. It really should.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Why does rubbing alcohol make my testicles burn so much? -- Kevin from Mississippi

Dear Kevin:
Yeah you should never put alcohol on your balls. Ball skin is very tender. Despite the fact it's holding very fragile contents, the human nutsack is not meant to withstand a whole lot. It'd be nice if it could, but in an ironic twist, ball skin looks very rugged and yet is highly sensitive. Alcohol tends to burn anything tender on your body like your eyes. When you think about it, your testicles are like the eyes if your crotch. That's a good way to look at it. Don't do anything to your nuts you wouldn't do to your eyeballs.

Send any of your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and keep alcohol off your balls.

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