|No one wants to do jury duty,|
but don't go too far when
trying to get dismissed.
No sane person enjoys jury duty. Yes, you are participating and doing a “duty”, but it’s participating in one of the greatest ongoing debacles, the U.S. justice system. Most people try their best to get out of jury duty, however some people try too hard when they have no legitimate reason to be excused. Here are the top 5 worst things you can do to get out of jury duty:
5. Talk in a funny accent.
If you’re good at accent, this ken be very goot excuse way to leave jury doodie, ya? If not, they’ll usually be able to tell you’re faking and you’ll be kept on the jury because they’d rather have a goofy fake accented freak on the jury than give that same guy what he wants which is to go home.
4. Start touching yourself inappropriately.
This will definitely get you out of jury duty, but at what costs? Make sure you’re prepared to take the risk for the payoff.
3. Say something racist.
Showing any severe bias will most likely get you removed from the jury selection process (Vwah Deer). However it’s not the best move considering you might really piss someone off and you still have to get home in one piece.
2. Show up completely hammered drunk.
One pretty foolproof way to get out of jury duty is to show up belligerently drunk, saying “I’m here for dury juty!” and screaming out “OBJECTION!” throughout the court proceedings. Having said that, it’s not a good way to get kicked out because the security will likely apprehend you and the judge may punish you harshly.
And the number one worst way to get out of jury duty is...
1. Say you’re a murderer.
You might think a foolproof way to get out of jury duty is to say you think you’ll be a good juror because you’ve killed before so you know how the justice system works. Unfortunately that could not be more wrong. Sure you won’t go to jury duty, but you could end up in jail. Now jury duty is no treat, but you’ve gotta hate it A LOT to choose jail over it.
Let me stress again, these are things you should NOT do to get out of jury duty. While it’s tempting to take one of these easy ways out, the path it leads you down may be a little more treacherous than you might have hoped.