Ask Mcfartnuggets: “Why is Public Urination Illegal?”

It's easier for women to urinate
publicly since they can be their
own lookout.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
I got arrested for public urination last weekend. I don’t even understand why it’s illegal though. Urination is natural. It’s what happens when you drink a lot. What do people expect me to do? I don’t see how its’ a crime! If you don’t like it, change the channel! Don’t look! What is wrong with police officers? They love watching people pee and then arresting them. Maybe if they just turned the other way and stopped watching me piss this wouldn’t even be a problem! Dogs aren’t arrested for urinating in public so why should I be? Who’s being hurt by this crime I ask? WHO?! -- Patricia from Long Island

Dear Patricia:
You’re right to an extent. Public urination is not a big deal when it’s done once in awhile in isolated incidents. The problem is, we have laws to tell us what is acceptable and what isn’t. If everyone was allowed to urinate in public then the streets would run yellow with the pee of thousands. Not everyone enjoys the odor of urine, especially during the summer when it bakes itself into the cement of a sidewalk. Public urination is like nudity. It’s okay when women do it, but we can’t allow everyone to do it because that includes bearded hobos and that’s a lot more likely to ruin your day.

Email your questions to me at PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and happy private peeing!

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