5 Shortened First Names That Make No Sense

Whatever happened to real
nicknames like Typhoid Mary?
Have you ever met someone who goes by a nickname and you don’t understand how their name became a name? These days it seems like younger parents are naming their kids after Pokemon so in a few years this won’t be as much of an issue, but for now let’s take a look at some of the more old fashioned nicknames that don’t make a damn bit of sense:

1. Ralph
Ralph is supposed to be a short version of “Raphael” which might make sense if you’re Dyslexic. Why are people allowed to rearrange the letters in a name to make a shortened version? You can’t just make anagrams and remove vowels.

2. Ted
On the topic of rearranging letters in names, Ted is short for “Theodore.” How the hell do you get that? That’s like calling someone named Jonathan “Jot” for short. It makes no sense.

3. Perry
What is the name “Perry” short for anyway? Perrold? Perome? What a silly name. Some say it’s short for “Percival.” I think the proper nickname for Percival would be “Percy.” That’s an example of a nickname that makes sense.

4. Ned
Ned is like Ted except we know Ted is short for “Theodore.” What the hell is “Ned” supposed to be short for? When I looked it up it said Ned is short for “Edward, Edgar, Edmund, or Edwin.” Yeah, sorry that doesn’t make sense. You don’t just throw an N at the front of a name and chop the second part off. The nickname for Oscar isn’t Nos.

5. Dick
The ultimate in nicknames has to be “Dick.” It makes absolutely no sense so you have to assume some guy named Richard a long time ago was such a dick that his nickname became “Dick” and it caught on with others. It’s such a weird name because the shortened version of Rachel isn’t “Pussy.” If it was then I’d say calling Richard “Dick” makes sense. Unfortunately, it doesn’t.

Did you know Richard I of England was almost nicknamed Richard The Liondick?

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