Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t People Give Jesus Presents on Christmas?”

When people say don't bring
me a gift, you still bring a gift.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Christmas is a holiday meant to commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ so it’s basically his birthday. It’s a worldwide birthday party for Jesus when everyone gets presents except Jesus! Isn’t that a little messed up? Why don’t more people talk about this? It’s the man’s birthday and no one ever gives him a gift. Some people say he’s dead so how can we give him a gift, well if he’s dead then why are you praying to him? Clearly people think he’s still out there somewhere so why don’t they just leave something out for him on the front porch? We leave Santa cookies and milk and a lot of people think he’s dead or doesn’t exist so the least we can do is leave a damn birthday cake or a bottle of Jack Daniels out for Jesus. What the hell is people’s problem? -- Deronica from Detroit, Michigan

Dear Deronica:
Leaving out presents for Jesus is not a good idea. I tried it once and even though it was gone the next morning, I doubt Jesus got the stereo because I saw my next door neighbor using it in his living room. I didn’t say anything because he just stole from Jesus. Is there any bigger crime possible? He’s going to get his comeuppance sooner or later. You don’t steal from the lord and get away with it. I could have kept doing that every year, but more and more people would steal which would lead to more and more people going to hell and at a certain point that’s almost like spiritual entrapment. Yes they are wrong for stealing, but leaving high priced electronics out in front of your house is basically saying “Here take this” which is what I was saying, I was just saying that to Jesus and people misunderstood. I doubt many people want to take that risk which is why people never bother giving presents to Tha Big Jeez.

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

No comments :

Post a Comment