The Top 5 Professions You Never Want Your Child To Aspire To

I wonder what little
Himmler wanted to be
when he grew up.

When you’re raising a child you want them to aspire to be something great like a microbiologist, astronaut, or a vigilante crime fighter. However, not all children have the same lofty expectations for their lives as their parents do for them. In the end, you can’t control what line of work your offspring engages in. All you can do is hope it’s not one of these five professions:

5. Proctologist

When your child tells you he wants to be a proctologist when he grows up that’s usually a good sign to get him into therapy. Hey to each his own, but at the same time that’s not a normal thing for a child to take an interest in. Children are supposed to be interested in the fields of video games, sports, and extreme sports, not human anuses.

If your child wants to be a proctologist you probably forgot to change his diaper a lot.

4. Stripper

Every father’s nightmare is their child one day becoming a stripper. The thing is by the time most people become strippers they’re past 18 years old and they’re adults who can do what they want so that makes it even more disheartening when your son or daughter tells you they want to be a stripper in kindergarten. If that happens you need to reassess the types of role models that are having an impact on your kid’s life.

Not an accessory you want to find in your daughter's room, or your son's.

3. Lawyer

When your child says they want to be a lawyer you have to really look inward at yourself and try to figure out what went wrong. Why would your young child want to be a professional asshole? It’d be better if they were a proctologists and were just fingering them instead.

When people talk about great lawyers they always mention Abraham Lincoln. When you have to reach as far back as Lincoln for a good example, that's pretty bad.

2. Politician

When a kid tells their parents he or she wants to be the President of the United States usually they think that’s a good sign. What people don’t take into account is that a fair majority of politicians have psychopathic malignant narcissist ego complexes. Hitler was a politician. Remember that before your encourage your child to aspire to a role of leadership.

Usually people who seek out power over others tend to be unbalanced.

And the number one profession you never want your child to aspire to is...

1. Fluffer

Now it’s one thing for your child to want to be a pornstar when they grow up, that would be bad enough, but for them to say they want to be a fluffer is even worse. Regardless of the field of work you should encourage your child to aspire to be the best within the field. So for a child to tell you their dream is to operate in a secondary role, that’s just heartbreaking. Yes I know fluffers can be an important part of porn and they truly are the unsung heroes, but they are unsung and let’s push the next generation to be more than that.

No not THAT kind of fluffer!